


nichujoule:anker's back store

by AppealingNameGoesHere



Category: Nichijou | My Ordinary Life (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Crack, Joke Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27168985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppealingNameGoesHere/pseuds/AppealingNameGoesHere
Summary: I isolate 5 of my braincells to write a nichijou fanfic
Comments: 7
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

'huh' anker said as she arrived into da tokey sadme high School, 'there are no cool guyz here'

'ur wrong' web o she appeared behind hareruna, welding a guittar larger than nasa's big rockets, 'we have five hun drer d cool guys in time is sad high,,"

anneko shook her hed, 'no'

huweabosh blink, 'are you sure'

'yes'

'really sure'

'yes'

'really really sure'

'yes'

'really really really sure'

'shut up'

ooweebshay vanished into thin air. That's right. No more Weboshi...

Annaka proceeded to hearld into her classroom, and then she was horrified by what she saw...

mayonaisse nagumohara three

'plz, the orther iz goin to m8k a Furry Heedgeohg joke again...'

& knuckles

enneraka proceeded to have a fucking breakdown

Mayonnaise Nagumohara turned her head to face Anker, 'That's right. I am the new Mio now I will write all the yaoi instead of her and im even cooler because i have THREE wooden cubes can you even believe that im like 3 times stronger than her wait no thats not how math works If i have 3 cubes and she has 2 that means im like 3/2 of her power so like 50% percent stronger oh yeah baby."

annakae said ehh

miones did a cool pose, "do you know what i will do now" dramatic camera angles and heavy rock music beings playing, the kind that would cut shadow the hedgehog on its edge

"wat"

she went super saiyan "am goin to becom lord of da universeity"

"GASP"


	2. mio 2:mio and youko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> miosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah

"oh no" haneeraka said "thyine yunavercity is the biggest thing"

"yeah and im going to taek ovah the hole eunaevoresitee"

"but how, how did you become mio 3"

"it is because i can beforem metoriscpsuchohsis"

"what"

"check the chapter summary"

"okay" annaka went to check the chapter summary

meanwhile, sit around the bonfire kids, i will tell you the story of how the mio got a Cquell

never mind annaker is bac i'll hide in the end notes

"Yeah how did you say it like that"

"say what"

"you said miosis like metoriscpsychosis"

"its a regional dialect"

"but how you gonna take over the eunaieevureosaytay?"

'check this shit out' meo teleported harunekape an a car five hun dred meters into the sky, and they had a grand view of the entirety of Tokisadame. She teleported them even higher, this time 1000 meters above, and they could see even beyond that, seeing buildings from another city bordering upon the horizon. Mio 3 then had them appear over a desolate landscape, with a purple sky and heavy air, such Annaka had the feeling that they were not on the same planet anymore.

A swirling disk of air appeared in naganuerhoaea's han, and the light refracted in it, giving a few glimpses of colorful light inside it.

she drop air disk, and the entire planet explode 

'wow' said ancakekra.

'yeah.' mao said, 'the faster it moves the bigger it explosionsed.'

they teleported back to school

shit, thought arnercore, i cant let her live

i am sorry, cuz i can read your mind

oh shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mio stood in the centre of her room. "I've been waiting 16 years for Mio Naganohara Two, but to no avail. Then I shall make it myself."
> 
> "no you can't do that" Yuuko Aioi said, 'it's too dangerous!"
> 
> "I have to. It's the only way I can make a trilogy." Mio walked over to her desk, pulling out a tome. It was old and dusted, and a single thread that used to be part of a cobweb, stuck out of the pages. She swept the faded crimson cover of the book, and began leafing through the contents, "Do you know how long we've been waiting for a second season, Yuuko?"
> 
> "but we got a dub last year!"
> 
> 'IT'S NOT ENOUGH!' She slammed the book shut. For a few seconds, the room was completely silent, but in the lack of physical sound, there was the raw emotions in the air.
> 
> Mio turned to Yuuko, "The ritual needs a host."
> 
> "w-wait, you don't mean-"
> 
> Yuuko suddenly felt a force gripping her limbs, disabling her.
> 
> "Don't worry. If the ritual fails, at best you'll be constantly misnamed and have to speak in perfect grammar all the time. At worst you'll die instantly."
> 
> The blue haired girl made her way slowly towards Yuuko, before putting her hand on Yuuko's forehead. She felt as if a strong vacuum appeared from within her, and she blacked out in seconds.
> 
> She found herself sitting in her desk in class. Mio looked at her.
> 
> "Hey, what's wrong Jen? You look pretty zoned out."
> 
> "Oh, sorry, it's nothing. What were you talking about again?"


	3. my meenerkamey was walking along the street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When suddenly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she stubbed her toe

and then she went "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"


	4. expression of alarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> annaka in the city

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annaka in the city

shiiiiiiiiiiii

naganoenakmera melon teleported alucard into the skies and got rede to ecks plowed her

BUT THEN! 

anekr pulled out her Colt Single Action Army Revolver and fierd, lunching heself itno at 500 merters pers econd into the CITY

annaka in the city

'shit if maento gets here i will die i need back up'

'sorry' meaw said as she apaerd behind anearke, 'you dead now'

'actually nada' haarka said, 'becase that its a fake fverstion of me' 

'What!?' mio said, as the ankaner revealed itself to be a cardboard cutout.

mio smirked.

'but i knew you would do that, because im have 1294 IQ,,, and i've already place a GPS tracker on yor real body and attacked your cutout to lure you out tog loat.'

'uh oh' ankyera said as neaguneher fired a blast, enveloping her entire body

'well thats done' miso began hovering, but then was surprised!

'can't believe you fell for it, i thought you were smarter than that' annie's voice buzzed in meynos phone, 'because that wasn't me, that was a hologram! im not even in the city at all!' 

'huh!?' 

'didn't you see when i fired my Colt Single Action Army Revolver, i fired it twice, meaning that accounting for the 1000 meterats per second, and the roation of the earth, i landing ina complete differnt place! namely, the brish isles where i can find my comrades'

anakae was pretty proud of her epic keik, but then misato tachermabna apppeared behind her.

'you dumbass.'

'what!?' anakear turned around to see mistlesoteo.

'that's a Winchester Model 1897 are you fucking blind, the extra power means you flew at 2500 metats ervery sermdon, and you aren't int he rbaitcihs isels, you're in the Never Lands which is my domain'

'shit!!!!!!' Annaka looked at her Colt Single Action Army Revolver, and saw that it was indeed a Winchester Model 1897.

'how did you not see that i replaced it you dumbass, i thought you were better than this'

'it was all part of yu plan all along...' haunescape fell to her neas.

'no, it was all part of MY plan.' sonic-color haired girl said.

'what!?!?!?!' misefro and asnkr said in unison.

'because i knew you would do that misato, so i platned my mio 1 in the Never Lands. and i can switch my body with Mio 1, so now i am ehre.' mio got ready to explisoned the two feamles huamsn.

yare yare daze narkermoora said, watching from her netflix televsion these people are too stupid to realise that the entire planet there is fake and it will self destruct in 5 seconds

wait a second that isn't mio naganoara from niehcijohu! that's mio from nothera anime!!

was the one hwo did miosis not even nianechujou mio???

mai showed up behind nakuramea, 'thats right i replaced these people with fakes so i could reveal your secret plan to explode a fake planet'

'but how i made sure you stubbed your toe so you would be too distracted to do that'

'yes indeed i stubbed my toe, but that was actually so you could think you could start your plan too early'

'what!?'

'as you can see i secretly turned the planet backwards by a few hours so you'd activate your plan too early and give me time to counter you'

'fuck!'

this went on for quite a while.

mean while, sakamoto was sleeping in his bed. it was a good sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annaka in the city


	5. mihoshi tachibana wrote the L.As

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wait shit where the fuck am i???

sakamoto's eyes jolted open as he realised he was in a strange place.

'wait, this isn't my house! this is walmart!' sakamoto said surprisedly, because he was surprised. sakamoto remembered the previous night, when he broke into a bar and drank all their alcohol in 2 seconds because hakase dared him to. 'shit!'

'oi kid, what are you doing here, cats shouldn't be in my walmart.' A voice said behind sakamerokapt.

'huh?' the felis catus turned around to see another cat that looked like him, but even buffer. 'who are you? sakamoto 2 or something?'

'no you silly, sequels or clones are fucking stupid. i am your father, salvador sakamoto.'

'so you're the man i was looking for all my life' sakmaoter jr said

'yeah'

'shit what now'

'you're not allowed in this walmart im kicking your ass'

meanwhile

'holey shits i finaerly got away form mpoeiio it only took me like 5 hours and 12382091830928099^2919 billioneth °C plans' harta anas said, as she collapsdeddeded on the planet C-148 L-21181321137125 U-69 B-612 other wise knuewn as planet CLUB

'ugghhhhhhhh im so tireddddddddd' amankaeray said

'im sorry for multiplying the amount of plans you had by 6.8% it was very necesuary' misatkeoae appeared from underhte ground

'no im still angy' 

'dang how can i get you to forgive me'

annaka droped a giant boat on top of mistaoeeaooso

'ow' 

'now we're even'

'okay'

'okay'

'so how do we get the backup to defeat mio:the continuation special edition'

'we need someone cool'

'but weaubauaooshiteee doesnt wanna help'

'she aint cool'

'oh :(((( but she is'

'actually she's 310 kelvins'

'why did you use kelvin'

'because the orfer used celcius for the joke earlier and it'd sound annoying if i used it again'

'what'

'nothing'

Suddenly, ooehbowshe formulated her physical entity in the general area.

'which one of uayiui mopoeple called me uncool i can literally form metal guitars out of thin air and i take over the moon in an unrelated webcomic'

'nice you are here'

weboshi said 'damn' and then turned to leave, but miss a toe stopped her, 'it's illegal to be on this planet'

the inner rebel inside webasea awakened and she built a fortress on planet CLUB and invited everyone on earth to live on it under the disguise of a nigerian prince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way planet club is very brown because its gritty and evil and i wanted to add realism


	6. a reliable guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hirose is one of the two only surviving butlers on the earth, the other being unknown. He is currently serving under Kojirou Sasahara. While his full name is unknown, he is the final surviving member of the Hirose Butler Clan. After the worldwide King's Ceremony, where The King selected the most skilled butler in the land, Hirose was chosen, as he was the only butler who showed up to the ceremony. As the world's best Butler, he was tasked with ending the contract with the Sakamoto family by dueling their strongest living member, Salvador Sakamoto. He was assigned to the Sasahara family by Kenzaburou Daiku as part of his training, as Kenzaburou observed that he while he had excellent Servitude and Toasting skills comparable to Alonzo Fields himself, he was severely lacking in Domestacastionism energy control, which was essential in fights against members of the Sakamoto family.
> 
> Hirose enjoys darts and plays them every Sunday, although he is not good at them.

Background

Hirose was born to Nakanishi and Iseri Hirose, who were working for the Daiku family at the time. The owner of the Daiku Monarchy(or Daiku Corp for short), Derek Daiku, quickly grew a liking to the boy, and frequently visited the Hirose Dynasty Clan Building to see him. It was during these times that Hirose got to see his father demonstrate his butlering skills, which would later on form his strong foundation for butlering early in his life. Hirose mastered the basics of Servitude by the age of 5, which was impressive because he was the only 5 year old butler at the time who achieved this(there were no other 5 year old butlers at the time).

At age 7, Hirose had difficulty understanding the skill of Toasting, until Salvador Sakamoto appeared in his room and sparred with him. It was in this battle that Hirose had finally understood what it meant 'to kill a gnome'. The resulting battle caused the Hirose Dynasty Clan Building to explode, killing everyone inside it, except for Hirose, Nakanishi, Iseri, Salvador, and Derek. After seeing the aftermath, Nakanishi Hirose put a binding Chauffeur Bond between Hirose and Derek Daiku's son, Kenzaburou Daiku, causing Hirose to serve under him, so that Hirose's power might be kept under control. Unbeknownst to him, Salvador had also secretly put a delayed binding Chauffeur Bond between Hirose and Salvador's son, Sakamoto, during their spar, which would activate years later when Sakamoto had perfected his Ultimate Muscle Form.

Serving for the Daiku family, he formed a bond with Kenzaburou, and Kenzaburou would often try to chat with him, although the conversations were rarely fruitful due to Hirose's position as a butler not allowing him to casually speak with Kenzaburou. Hirose's butlering ability in the Daiku house earned him the title of 'a reliable guy', coined by Kenzaburou himself. His Servitude and Toasting skills continued to grow, but the Daiku family never pushed him to train his Demoestacastionism, despite his lack of control in it. When he asked Derek Daiku when he would be able to improve his Demoestacastionism, he was told that it would be when the time would come that 'A pretty smart guy will be guided by fate' to give him the required training.

On the 19th of August, 2001, Kenzaburou bet Hirose 5 dollars if he could defeat the Anti Butler Lord, who resided in South Africa. Hirose, desperately in need of the 5 dollars to buy himself a milkshake, eagerly accepted. After Hirose's initial bout with the Anti Butler Lord, he quickly found that his butlering skills were not sufficient to defeat him, and it awoke a desire for growth and challenge deep within himself. He spent the entirety of September refining his Servitude, studying Eugene Allen and Sebastian Michael Is, before finally reaching the butlering power required to defeat the Anti Butler Lord, by using a sword. In this period, Hirose developed a severe addiction to the 'Dancing Baby' meme, a 3D rendered animation of a baby dancing, and would spend hours on end staring at the looping animation, killing anyone who would try to intervene.

Hirose was not aware of the events in Japan during his time in South Africa, which is why he was surprised when he returned and learned of the appearance of Salvador Sakamoto in the Great Town Square, where all the butlers in Japan(Nakanishi and Iseri) were relieved of their positions as butlers, and Salvador earned a job at Target. He also learned of the Sakamoto Family Contract, where Sakamotos would be able to hold the souls of butlers from the Hirose family, formed after a duel by the Hirose Butler ancestors and Salvador Sakamoto the Negative Fifth. Shocked by this revelation, Hirose now had the resolve to defeat Salvador, and looked to Derek on advice for this. Derek bestowed a new sword(it was 2 cm longer than his previous sword) and sent him and his parents to the mountains to train, being met by nobody else beside Kenzaburou when he occasionally visited on his Blackbird.

After years, The King(Also known as John Smith) held the King's Ceremony in his backyard, and all the butlers in Japan were summoned to attend. Hirose showed up as the only participant. He was bestowed the title of 'a pretty good butler' and was tasked to defeat Salvador Sakamoto, because Salvador had stolen a tuna casserole out of John's fridge once. Hirose readily accepted this, as this was already his initial goal.

Kenzaburou, seeing the lack of control Hirose had in Domestacastionism, decided to hand him over to the heir of the Sasahara family, Kojirou Sasahara, because of the rumors that Sasahara might have a gun. From then on, Hirose served under Sasahara, slowly growing his Domestacastionism in the process. The last words Derek said before he left were 'Aw yeah, that's pretty cool.' These words were not said to him.

One day while Hirose was following Sasahara outside, he heard a guy from Walmart complaining about a man named Salvador. Now knowing that Salvador Sakamoto was in Walmart, and that his butlering skills were ready, he began the perilous trip to Walmart to confront Salvador.

also nakanishi died of gangrene lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abilities
> 
> Afterimages: Hirose is able to surpass the speed of light, moving back and forth to create visual copies of himself, disorienting his opponent. This is extremely useful for opponents who have higher reaction speed than himself, but only relies on their sight.
> 
> Gun: Learned by Sasahara's classmate, Misato Tachibana, Hirose is now able to wield a Colt Cobra and shoot his enemy in the face with it. This technique can be lethal, especially to humans.


	7. student

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shimonita's fortune: your shoes will ruin your life

hey guys its thomas jones here and today we are going to be hosting a very skilled compertisseun, if you nnsaer this questin, you'll get a chance to win a lifetimes suplay of die fuck you. god, die fuck you is so good, anyways herest he question

what is the definition of pusillanimous

tananananananananaka listened to this question and he mailed in the epic correct answer

'ur mom'

suddenly, the world shook and the muscle mass of tanka's arms increased by one hundred percent, it was sad that a guy was breaking into his hous e adt the time because he isntatnyl teleported to that guy and slapped him to death holy shit

tanaka booked a trip to hawaii to get his life time supply of die fuck you, but on the way to the aresport, the car fell over and he found himself underground

woahahaooahaaahah

shut the fuck up

what was he going to do

suddenly, tanakakan detectived the scent of a guy walking above ground, and he became ga ghost like danny, and flew up tot he seruvface to steal his body

the guy died


	8. hoough!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "mmh, muscle fibres."

nakanananoajeuw awakenaed tsuyoshi and he realised his leg muscles where eckstremely stongke!

and then, he exploded.


	9. oh god i think im lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spaghetti is good

"HGhGhaah what the FUCK whas that noise!" 

everyone turned to look at the earth, and they saw a black hole where the earth used to be

"man"

mean while, maho manahganajheara was bsuy taking voer the rest of the unaiverse, and she was starting to realise the universe is just huge big streatches of othing.

'damn this is boring' so she teleported back to earth and was instantly sucked into the black hole and broke her leg

she was tranceported into an alternative universe where people were crying for help, but nobody came because everyone on earth was wiped out by a virus called the virus, also the world was on fire

it was not a very suitable place for miosis, because there were alot of dinosaurs, and dinosaurs were not good for miosis. 

mio approached one of the dinosaurs, and said, 'i am mio' said mio, and then the dinosaur began floating into the air, and then it became another mio.

'wow. what a coincidence. i am also mio'

but before she could convert all the dinosaurs into a mio army, she remembered her leg was broke and she fell over

'ahhh my leg is broken" mio said, and the other mio fell over from a broken leg, like a person who had a broken leg, because she had a broken leg too, "ahhh my leg is broken too"

"goddamn this is the weakness of miosis"

she needed to fixes broeken leg, so she teleported into the WORLD OF DARKNESS, WHICH WAS GOOD BECAUSE USERS OF MIOSIS CAN HEAL VERY QUICKLY WHEN THEY ARE IN THE WORLD OF DARKNESS

BUT THEN MIO SAW A SHOGI PIECE IN THE WORLD OF DARKNESS AND SAID OH FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	10. miosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bowdododwododwodwdowdow

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIG HERE" naguananohara young scremed

"i just came to say hi haha" agnagaunohara older said

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HOW DID YO GET IN HERAE"

"okay mio naganohara you need to really calm down and stop freaking out when you don't even have the facts straight i know that it must be really surprising that i somehow infiltrated into your world of darkness but really i feel as if you wouldn't be reacting this way if someone else came in here, like you're biased against me and only overreacting because it's me who entered this dimension and what im saying is that you really need to keep your emotions in check or else it could be really detrimental to your development later on as someone can really exploit that weakness against you and to be honest this is why it is always so easy for me to perform super funny pranks on you without much effort because you don't take the time to correctly assess the situation correctly you just start running when you see someone wearing a bear head or break into a tantrum when you lose the strawberry on your cake and your abilities are really amazing and it would be a waste if you were to be defeated so easily just because you could not keep your emotions in check when it is a serious situation how can you maintain your composure if someone gains the upper hand on you during your quest for world domination or universe domination or whatever the heck you're trying to accomplish and on the other hand you probably shouldn't be striving for a goal like that in the first place since it really does not make sense other than the fact you want to show off your own capabilities after obtaining the power of miosis when you could be doing so much greater things it is not the way to find inner peace and i know this is starting to sound a bit hippie like but you should really look within your heart and learn to gain happiness from loving and not violence because what will you do after conquering the universe and performed miosis an abyssmal number of times what will be there left for you to do and i know that you are really grieving the fact that there is not a season 2 of your anime show but you have to learn how to accept things because that is how you can feel at ease when getting things that dont go your way well im not saying you ought to accept everything that happens to you but if it is something that you cannot change it is a waste of thought to think about it too much you can accept the feelings that reside within you and then move on to the things that you can change and that's how you do things in accordance to nature you are trying to resist the universe so that gets really tiring but why not just go with the flow since it is easier that way if you are water then the rock in your path will not be much of a problem to you as opposed to if you keep trying to push against it now this all sounds like some idealistic philosophic virtue stuff but you don't need to be a sage just be a decent person and i believe it will be alright for you and i think you know i just said this entire speech to you to distract you from the fact that i somehow got into the world of darkness because you're a smart girl but that's too bad because even then i am not going to explain how i got in here and this uncertainty gives me a psychological edge against you as information can be a really powerful tool in battle when used correctly not that i am going to battle you but it is essential that i keep a bargaining chip close to me if anything ever goes wrong i have a home to return to you have a home to return to why don't we go back home and watch some tv together you don't need to hurt the people around you and you've already caused some people to fight against you and as your sister i feel concerned about that but you are ethically in the wrong here so i will oppose you if i have to(not that it's much of a necessity here or that i care much about this sort of thing) so that the people outside will not be hurt i will let you know that i know how your corkscrews and miosis works so you really don't have any element of surprise here unless you have a power that i am not aware of and i am not denying the fact that you have a large pool of potential but i am confident i would be able to defeat you i know the power that hope can bring and i've already abused the concept of misdirection enough to know what works and doesn't work on you so i hope you can see that and reflect upon yourself so that you can make the decision that is best for you and for everyone in life and speaking of misdirection i can tell that you think i am using it right now well maybe i am maybe im not you can't really tell just from this so ha if i am misdirecting you it is working either way hell maybe there will be a secret punchline at the end of this paragraph and maybe i've snuck some things in here that will be relevant in other forms of this story or not i could just be trolling you because i am funny prankster like that and the author could just be trying to break the one thousand two hundred and eighty eighty word length for run on sentence william faulkner wrote in his book absalom absalom without knowing it this would be a valid entry for a record or not but just because he thought it would be really funny and is a gag used often in the webcomic tails gets trolled if you were paying attention but anyways yeah you have glaring weaknesses which can be used against you in the future and that you need to work on and im only telling you this because we have a bond its not really a logical thing to do seeing the circumstances but i do have the emotional compulsion to tell you that even though at the moment there's not much of a reason to do so so i hope you can take my words to heart(not all of them some of them were jokes) like hey maybe you can check up on how your friend- what was her name youkae or something im not really sure i think she might appreciate hanging out again sometime and just so you know you're not the only megalomaniacal supervillain here like have you ever heard of the one from walmart i heard thats a really big threat too nowadays and all this is really giving us a headache i only recently just found out about the world of darkness last night and to admit i did not get much sleep last night, only about 12 hours or so ha ha i can see the look on your face yeah im just messing with you i only slept 13 see this is what i was talking about you get irritated too easily and when anger gets to you you lose sight of any tactical elements that might help or work against you like the fact that i was basically stalling for time this entire time for an unknown event to happen again im keeping this a secret because remember information is an important tool also 

do you know why you can't beat me with miosis

because i'm mio's sis"

Mio Naganohara let out a primal scream.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP"

rite then a portal opened and yoshenaro left


	11. cool joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was the noodle drunk?

Because it wasn't soba.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bdum tssz


End file.
